Thubten Chodron, Buddhism for Beginners (Ithaca: Snow Lion Publications 2001) ("Romantic love is generally plagued with attachment, which is why many marriages end in divorce. When people fall in love with an image they created of the person, instead of with the actual human being, false expectations proliferate. For example, many people in the West unrealistically expect their partner to meet all their emotional needs. . . . [W]e should avoid having such unrealistic expectations of our partners." "Each person has a variety of interests and emotional needs, Therefore, we need a variety of friends and relatives to share and communicate with. Nowadays, because people move so often, we may need to work harder to develop several stable, long-tern friendships, but doing so strengthens our primary relationship." Id. at 129).
Jean Smith, The Beginner's Guide to Zen Buddhism (New York: Three Rivers Press, 2000) ("9. Not Being Angry[;] This is an important precept for Americans because we are told that we need to express our anger, but we're also told not to express our anger as we grow up. It's a confusing and difficult precept for many people--perhaps the most confusing. It's important to acknowledge feelings of anger and to be really present to them. The aim is not to eliminate anger when it arises but rather to accommodate it, to create a space for it. In a very paradoxical Zen way, we say, 'Not being angry is being angry.' Not being angry is to allow what is occurring to be there but not to hold on to it or fan it. If you push anger down and deny it, it seethes underneath. Awareness of your state of mind, of anger, is important. Not being angry is being aware of what you're feeeling--and thus transforming the anger into wisdom." Id. at 119.).
Thich Nhat Hanh & Lillian Cheung, Savor: Mindful Eating, Mindful Life (New York: HarperOne, 2010).
