Ayya Khema, Being Nobody, Going Nowhere: Meditations on the Buddhist Path, with a Foreword by Zoketsu Norman Fischer (Boston: Wisdom Publications, 1987, 2001) ("Impermanence, unsatisfactoriness, nonself are the three characteristics to be found in all that exists. Unless we identify them within ourselves, we will never know what the Buddha taught. Mediation is the way to find out. The rest are just words. This is the action." Id. at 9. "Most people are looking for someone to love them. Some people find a few people to love them and then maybe love back. But some people are unfortunate and cannot find anyone. They become bitter and resentful. Yet really it works exactly the other way around. If we ourselves are loving, then we find innumerable loving people around, because everybody wants to be loved. That someone loves us doesn't mean that we are loving. The other person is feeling the love. We don't feel a thing., All we feel is gratification that somebody has found us lovable. That is another ego support, to make the ego bigger. But loving others goes in the direction of making the ego smaller." Id. at 33. "Skeptical doubt arises in people who are unable to love. To commit ourself to one ideal, to commit ourself to one path, to commit ourself to one spiritual activity, we have to be able to give ourselves wholly. If we cannot fully love, we cannot give ourselves fully. Where the spiritual path is concerned, we have to understand it and love it. Only then can we give ourselves to it wholeheartedly. If we do not give ourselves to the path with our whole being, it's as if one is married yet constantly thinking there might be some better marriage partner to be found. One can't have a very good marriage that way. We have to commit ourselves totally. Also if we are married and don't understand the other person at all, yet we love them, there isn't going to be a great deal of communication and communion. If we understand the other one, but don't love that person, the marriage is likewise a disaster." Id. at 74.).
Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse, What Makes You Not a Buddhist (Boston & London: Shambhala, 2008) ("Broadly speaking, wisdom comes from a mind that has what the Buddhists call 'right view.' But one doesn't even have to consider oneself a Buddhist to have right view. Ultimately it is this view that determines our motivation and action. It is the view that guides us on the path of Buddhism. If we can adopt wholesome behaviors in addition to the four seals, it makes us even better Buddhists. But what makes you not a Buddhist?" "If you cannot accept that all compounded or fabricated things are impermanent, if you believe that there is some essential substance or concept that is permanent, then you are not a Buddhist." "If you cannot accept that all emotions are pain, if you believe that actually some emotions are purely pleasurable, then you are not a Buddhist." "If you cannot accept that all phenomena are illusory and empty, if you believe that certain things do exist inherently, then you are not a Buddhist." 'And if you think that enlightenment exists within the spheres of time, space, and power, then you are not a Buddhist." Id. at 4-5. "Personal relationships are the most volatile and perfect examples of assembled phenomena and impermanence. Some couples believe that they can manage their relationship 'until death do us part' by reading books or consulting with a relationship doctor. Knowing that men are from Mars and women are from Venus provides the key to only a few obvious causes and conditions of disharmony, however. To a certain extent these small understandings may help create temporary peace, but they don't address the many hidden factors that are part of the relationship's assembly. If we could see the unseen, then maybe we could enjoy the perfect relationship--or maybe we would never start one in the first place." Id. at 25-26. "one is a Buddhist if he or she accepts the following four truths: All compounded things are impermanent. All emotions are pain. All things have no inherent existence. Nirvana is beyond concepts. These four statements, spoken by the Buddha himself, are known as 'the four seals.' Id. at 3. "The message of the four seals is meant to be understood literally, not metaphorically or mystically--and meant to be taken seriously. But the seals are not edicts or commandments. With a little contemplation one sees that there is nothing moralistic or ritualistic about them. There is no mention of good or bad behavior. They are secular truths based on wisdom, and wisdom is the primary concern of a Buddhist. Morals and ethics are secondary." Id. at 4. "As long as you accept and practice these four truths [or seals], you are a 'practicing Buddhist.' You might read about these four truths for the sake of entertainment or mental exercise, but if you don't practice them, you are like a sick person reading the label on a medicine bottle but never taking the medicine. On the other hand, if you are practicing, there is no need to exhibit that you are Buddhist.... But keep in mind that as a Buddhist, you have a mission to refrain as much as possible from harming others, and to help others as much as possible. This is not a huge responsibility, because if you genuinely accept and contemplate the truth, all these deeds flow naturally." Id. at 124.).
