I went to yoga class yesterday morning. I thought I was in a very good mood when I arrived after a leisurely mile walk to the studio on a bright, warm, Indian Summer morning. I set up my place on the floor, and waited for practice to begin. I was calm, I was relaxed, I was--I thought--focused. Then, about five minutes before class began, it fell apart. It began as more people began to arrive for class. The chatter increased in volume. More mats were thrown, not placed, onto the floor. The endless back-and-forth to get props, go to the restroom, do that last minute checking for text messages or email on the smart phone, etc. (Anyone who makes the assumption that yoga-types would be light on their feet would be gravely mistaken. It is a mystery to me why so many yoga-types are heavy footed. Heavy-footed, not grounded.) Then it got worse. Class began, and so did the seemingly unending stream of late-arrivals. More loud chatter as each seem to need to announce his or her late arrival. More mats being thrown down. More back-and-forth to find a place on the floor, to get props, to go to the restroom. The class was engaged in a breathing exercise and I could feel the heat rising in my body, the annoyance rising in my mind. I wanted to scream, "Respect the practice! Respect the mat! If you are going to be late, at least come in quietly, take a spot in the back of the class, and sit your butt down." Of course I did not scream. I did not bolt from the room. Why?
Three yoga instructors, each with her own distinct personality and approach to yoga, influence my practice. The first (not in rank, as I shall not rank them) of my favorite yoga instructors is persistent in reminding us that stuff, often quite negative stuff (e.g., anger), will come up during practice, especially when we work on particular parts of the body, and the need to be mindfully aware of such. The second of my favorite yoga instructors says, I think correctly, that how one deals with the things that come up while on the yoga mat is pretty much how one deals with things that come up off the mat. There is a real sense that, with a serious yoga practice, one is always on the mat. And the third of my favorite yoga instructors recently pointed out that the stuff that bothering us out there is the world tends to come onto the yoga mat as our minds do what they are suppose to do, that is, think, wonder, wander, ponder, worry, etc., such that even on the mat we are still dealing with the off-the-mat shit. Even on the mat we are still out there in the world. Moreover, our off-the-mat problems or issues will not go away, will not be resolved, simply by doing yoga. A serious yoga practice may help one to better deal with that off-the-mat world, but yoga does not change that world, or resolve those issues one has with that world. All three yoga instructors are influencing a change in my life, through yoga; but yoga will not resolve my personal problems and issues. I am still annoyed or angered by the same old petty shit. The difference is that I know it is MY annoyance. MY anger. MY super judgmental self. My completely delusional attitude. My 'my-shit-don't-stink' hypocrisy. MY shit. MY off-the-mat and on-the-mat shit. And I realize I cannot scream, unless I want to scream at myself. I cannot bolt from the room, for my annoyance, anger, shit, etc., will be bolting the room right along side me. A serious yoga practice, which entails more than asanas, forces one to confront one's self. I am trying to develop a serious yoga practice. I am trying to confront myself, both on the mat and off the mat. My yoga practice, like my life, is a work-in-progress. You cannot bolt from life. Well, actually you can, but you know and get my point.
Rolf Gates & Katrina Kenison, Meditations from the Mat: Daily Reflections on the Path of Yoga (New York: Anchor Books, 2002) ("Brahmacarya is the feeling of freedom that comes when we have let an addictive craving go--when we can eat to live, not live to eat; when we can work to live, not live to work; when we stand firmly and with ease of heart in the passions of life." Id. at 50. "All yoga is saying is what we already know to be true: that materialism is a lie, that we are spiritual beings with spiritual problems, and that we need spiritual solutions. No matter how rich or powerful or impressive we may be, in the end we must all forsake external power and embrace the power within." Id. at 150-151. "As we accept and connect with the postures that are hard for us, we find the understanding that leads to mastery. That is working with things as they are." Id. at 254-255. "The aim of yogic practice is to free us from the endless distractions of the kleshas--fear, pride, desire, and ignorance--and to teach us to bring a focused mind to bear on the nature of our relationships. Our time on the mat is dedicated to that end." Id. at 280.).
